you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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