You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
