If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
