I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
