omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
