I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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