He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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