They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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