seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize