Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
