Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
