when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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