the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
