The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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