So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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