i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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