idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.