So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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