bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
