Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
