Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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