So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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