dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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