sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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