if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
