love makes seman taste better
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
