well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
