I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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