I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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