alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
