Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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