if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
