I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
