I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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