You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
