If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
