I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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