4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
