and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
