so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
