Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
