Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
