who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
