Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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