You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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