just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
