It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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