But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
