My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
