Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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