Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
