In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
