i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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