my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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