# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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