haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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