I'm laying in your front yard are you home
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
